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SHIKES SUCKS. SHIKES ARE SHIT. SHITTIKES, SHIKKITS.

WHY DON'T YOU GO FLY KITES, AT LEAST THEN YOU'RE NOT BEING A SHIKE.

UNLESS YOU'RE TRYING TO STEAL MY AIR, YA FUCKIN' SHIKE, JUST LIKE A SHIKE WOULD.


(But what is a 'shike'?)


WHAT IS A SHIKE? SHIKES ARE AWFUL. THEY ARE A PLAGUE UPON THE LAND. THEY COME OVER OUR BORDERS WHEN WE DON'T WANT THEM; THEY GET ALL OF OUR JOBS AND DON'T DO THEM; THEY SIT ON OUR MOTORBIKES BUT DON'T DRIVE THEM; THEY BUY ALL THE SOAP AND THEY DON'T EVEN WASH--THEY DON'T EVEN WASH.

THEY MAKE US SAD, MAD, AND THEY'RE BAD! THE WORST!


(Where are they from?)


WELL, TECHNICALLY THEY'RE FROM A NEIGHBORING TECTONIC CALLED SHIKER BUT THAT IS A MERE TECHNICALITY, BECAUSE TRUTHFULLY IF AVA HAD A SOUR, LAZY BUTTHOLE THEY WOULD BE FROM THAT!

ALWAYS LOOKING AT OUR DAUGHTERS, ALWAYS STEALING OUR GUNS AND NOT EVEN SHOOTING THEM.

LORD HELP US! THE PAIN! THE STUPIDITY! THE PAINIDITY!

JUST CAN'T STAND 'EM. SO SHIKEY. LAZY, LAZY SHIKES.


(Are you sure they're not just tired or something?)


WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT, ARE YOU SOME KIND OF SHIKE SYMPATHIZER? A SHIKATHYZIER? FUCK YOU AND THE HORSE YOU DIDN'T RIDE IN ON, FUCKING SHIKE!

*EDITOR'S NOTE: YOU STOLE THAT FUCKING NOT-HORSE, DIDN'T YOU SHIKEY-POO??Edit

IF YOU DON'T BELIEVE ME, DON'T TAKE MY GODLY WORDS FOR IT, HERE ARE SOME ACCOUNTS FROM REAL DUDES IN THE WASTE THAT SAW OR SOMEHOW ADVERSELY EXPERIENCED A SHIKE:

*EDITOR'S NOTE: 'ADVERSELY' IS THE ONLY WAY ONE CAN EXPERIENCE A SHIKEEdit

-"I saw one. Threw up."

-"Ugliest thing I ever seen, and I seen some things."

-"I could smell the lazy, and that's saying something, on account'a lazy ain't got a smell."

-"When I heard the word 'shike' for the first time I had to go to the bathroom and lie down."

-"My daughter wanted to marry a shike. My daughter's dead."

-"Awful out of 10."

-"Please no."


SEE? THAT IS JUST MINISCULE AMOUNT OF TESTIMONY AGAINST SHIKES AND SHIKEHOOD AND EVERYTHING SHIKEY ON THIS DAMNED DUSTBALL. IF I EVER SEEN'D A SHIKE, I'D PUNCH IT IN THE GOB, BUT I WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO TELL IT'S REAR FROM IT'S FACE BECAUSE IT IS VERY UGLY, THAT IS THE REASON I MAY HAVE TROUBLE PUNCHING IT IN THE PLACE I SPECIFIED.

OUT WITH SHIKES! SEND THEM BACK TO WHERE THEY CAME FROM TO STEAL THEIR OWN JOBS! LET THEM STEW IN THEIR OWN SHIKEY AWFUL AND LEAVE US SUPERIOR, DILIGENT, WELL-MANNERED, KIND-HEARTED, WONDERFUL NOT-SHIKES THE FUCKING-FUCK ALONE!


(I still don't know what they've done to you to make you feel this way, why you hate them so intently, they're just kind of lazy.)


SHUT UP, YOU SHIKE. ARE YOU PRO-SCUB TOO, YOU VARMINT ASSEATER?

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